Falling

Perpetual failure is the worst feeling fathomable. This feeling of drowning is equatable to struggling in a sea of ineptitude and fighting to stay afloat by clinging all types of false hopes and quick fixes. Every new set back stinging your soul with the brackish water of self loathing. Its like drowning on dry ground; yet this drowning doesn't kill the body. This drowning victim is your soul. Its a fate far worse than falling down a tritely ever endless abyss, for with this demise you know how you'll meet your maker; you see your end from the very beginning, this demise is worse than death.

I wish i could wax philosophically or blindly say that everything is gonna be alright; but the realist in me says that to make it, things must change. To over come, self as I know it must be lain down. Life as i know it must cease; because this life is wrought with failure and continuing down this path will only lead me to destruction. In such perilous times its hard to maintain the faith; especially when said faith has been shaken to its fragile and blithely cultivated core.

so i press on, bid. I do so not because of some effervescent hope that burns deep with in, I do it simply because i must...

[is this the spark cost the of greatness that i so longingly search for, does it take this much back breaking anguish to unlock the potential within? I'm plagued with countless questions and yet i have an exponentially increasing deficit of answers]

Julian